Don't Worry

Can't believe it has been 3 1/2 months since we first laid eyes on our boys! Time cannot go by fast enough right now! Sure, we have a lot to get ready and both governments must go through their processes, but I can't help but whine and complain about this wait. We are hopeful that we will travel sometime for our first trip in the next 2-3 months. Our second trip will most likely be only a month later, so we hope to have our full family united by the end of the summer!

During a continued time of delay, changes and improvements in the adoption process in Ethiopia, a lot of progress has still been made on our case and we are particularly thankful that we passed our first court date in Ethiopia back in March (we did not attend this one, but will the next). That was a day our family won't soon forget. The weekend before, as we prayed hard and looked forward to the upcoming good news on our case, our 5 month old puppy, whom we had named Addis, ingested part of a sago palm plant that, unknown to us at the time, is extremely poisonous to dogs and she stayed overnight at the ER vet. On Monday morning, about 10am, we got the super awesome e-mail stating that the court date went well in Ethiopia and at 1015am, we got a call from our vet saying we had to put our puppy to sleep, that her liver was failing and she was dying. Anyone would find this a sad accident, but let me add a quick history on this special pup. The kids and I had been working on Michael for almost a year for a puppy, clearly lining out all the wonderful reasons why a puppy would benefit our family. He finally relented last September agreeing that training and adjusting a puppy before our adoption was final would be ideal. We decided to name her after the Ethiopian capital, since she was a symbol of our journey and would be growing up right next to the child(ren) we were adopting. She was beautiful and amazing. She was so full of love and was a constant companion to Melissa during some adoption ups and downs in December and after our referral. She was the first pet our kids lost and it hurt our hearts badly to see each other and our kids go through so much sadness and happiness in one day. She was with us only a short time, but for an important reason and she taught us a lot. We are (most likely!!) going to wait to introduce a new furry member to our family until after our boys come home and let them be a part of it. In the meantime, we will give our 11 year old faithful dog lots of extra love (and will keep showing Michael pictures of rescue dogs just in case!!).

Back to progress....there has surely been a lot of progress on me as a person, wife, parent.....A few different friends have mentioned the book of James to me lately, so I decided to read this book of the Bible I wasn't super familiar with (didn't even know it was only 5 chapters). Of course, I have seen on many blogs and shirts the familiar adoption verse from James 1:27, but I was eager to read the rest. Boy, is this the perfect book for me! Perfect in Word and timing! Because I need to refer to these truths ALL THE TIME, here are a couple of things I will hold onto:

JOY during times of testing: James 1:2-4 My brothers, reckon it all joy whenever you become involved in all kinds of testings, for you are well aware that the testing of your faith produces unswerving constancy. And let constancy go on to work out its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, deficient in nothing. I have been tested so many times during this adoption journey. Tested while waiting for a referral, tested while making the decision to adopt from a different country, tested while riding the roller coaster of ups and downs in the process. The list goes on of how many disappointments that (still) seek to take my faith away, yet I need to have joy through all of these, as each and every test is not meant to make me fall, but to make me soar. Instead of being weaker when this adoption journey is done, we will all be stronger. Thank you Lord for these tests so I can be a better mom to all of my children. Especially to these 2 boys who have gone through many sorrows.

Dependence on God's will: James 4:15 Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and we shall do this or that." The future is uncertain to all of us, but I need not be paralyzed by this uncertainty. The adoption process is full of uncertainty, we are always waiting for an update (literally we are today while I write this). While waiting, we need to put our plans in the hands of God. Then...LEAVE them there. Every time I take them back, I am paralyzed again.

The timing really was perfect in reading these encouraging words from James. There are have been so many other encouraging times during this wait and I will end this post with one last one. We had our adoption garage sale on April 12. It was our only fundraiser for funds toward our journey. We started a couple of weeks prior and advertised to friends and family that we were holding the sale and asked for any donations of goods. We were in awe of the donations that poured in over the following weeks, including some from friends of friends, people we have never met! We could not walk in our garage and our house was a total disaster for such a great reason! Friends also contributed yummy baked goods for a bake sale the kids held in the yard during the garage sale (which took up 2 full driveways). We woke up at 4:30 and it took over 2 hours to get everything out. We had so many giving family and friends helping us that day and even had some surprise family members drive many hours to support us just for that day. The weather was beautiful and the sale lasted until 4pm. We even had things left over that we donated. Our monetary goal was to make enough for 1 plane ticket to Ethiopia, which we are estimating about $1,800. From the things we sold right before and during the sale we made about $3,000! A huge thank you to everyone who helped and prayed for our fundraiser. We are ready to buy those tickets! Every little thing gonna be all right!

MELISSA

Referral!!!!

I spent a minute here trying to think of what I should make the title of this post, but the obvious is REFERRAL!!! We have waited almost 4 years to write and shout that news!!!! Our whole family is so thrilled to announce that we has been so very blessed with a referral of 2 precious brothers from Ethiopia aged 4 and 6 (when they come home). We are already in love and I keep looking at their pictures in amazement and excitement that we actually get to love and add these sweet boys to our family. Their eyes and smiles are so beautiful!

Just a few posts ago, on Christmas Eve, I referenced moments where we show up at one place and end up at a place even more beautiful than expected. God placed a burning desire in our hearts long ago to add to our family by adoption and we showed up but He wrote the story. We are giving so much praise to Him for writing this story more beautiful than we could have even imagined. There have been many, many (hate to admit this!) times during this journey that I tried to take it over, to beg and plead that NOW was the time, that a particular place was the place. I am so glad that I am not the author of my story.

Over the next 6 months or so we need your prayers and support. Major prayers that our boys are healthy, safe and happy while they wait for us. Please also pray for our (especially Melissa ha ha!!!) emotional well being while we wait to be united with them. I always thought the hardest part of the journey was waiting for our referral, but if the past 10 days were any indication, the hardest part may be ahead. It is a strange feeling that part of our family is many, many miles away and we can't tell them that we love them and that we will be coming as soon as possible, we can't tell them that their future is so bright and that they have the most kind hearted sister and brother waiting for them here, waiting to play with them and show them so much. We respect the steps that both governments require us to go through next and will try to calmly fill out the mountain of paperwork and smile. Since I completely trust our agency, I have decided on a somewhat radical change to remove myself from facebook and most social media until we bring the boys home. I need my mind to be filled with God's spirit and hope and not with fear. I will know any facts I need to know and will be busy planning for our family of six. I will miss the support and camaraderie with fellow adopting moms and will miss celebrating with them when they get a referral or meet their children. I know I will still be e-mailing with some, enjoying their blog updates and this is just a short, temporary break. I had convinced myself that it was smart to be informed on everything, but my little heart literally cannot handle the way it felt when I heard about the rumors and negativity last month, especially not now when I am attached to our boys. I also cannot wait to dive into some books and devotionals I have been putting aside. I am counting on forming a positive habit I needed in my life anyway.

Thank you for sharing in our joy and we will continue with updates. More details to come about travel plans (2 trips ahead). We are super excited to travel and experience the culture of Ethiopia!

MELISSA

Scared to Stand Up

#20! Pretty cool! It was be a lot cooler if the past week hadn't been like riding a wave. I am going to use an analogy here from my husband's favorite sport. I have tried surfing only a couple of times, including the day we got engaged (that was in January in a full wet suit!). Each time I try, even this past summer, I mostly stay on my knees, scared to stand up. You see, if I stand up, I feel like I have lost control and the board is going to slip right out from under me, sending me face down in the water.

Our adoption has been just like this for me. When we first decided to adopt from Colombia, I was cautiously excited. There were some minor set backs and adjustments in waiting time, but as we got further into the process, I started to gain more confidence and felt comfortable letting go. Through 2 years of waiting for a referral, I rode that wave gaining faith and trust. When, due to in-country law changes, we had a huge wipe out and I was completely crushed. I still felt God had me in a better place than when we started, but everything was so hard and a wall was built around my heart.

Although that wall is still up, it has been exciting with Ethiopia and I have felt a peace about it. That is, until about a week ago...our first big challenge with Ethiopia. I don't want to further exacerbate potential rumors, so I will only say that there are discussions in Ethiopia about orphan care options and this can mean many things, some negative for all parties and some positive. Obviously negative changes would include stopping foreign adoption. I am 110% for any positive reforms that could be made in Ethiopia to keep families together. But, every child deserves a loving family now. Adoption, foreign or domestic, is an excellent loving option. Keeping orphans in orphanages or in long term care situations that are unhealthy is not an option. There are waiting families available right now to love and care for these children. I am aware that there is abuse in the adoption process and I am very supportive of changes that can mitigate this and for changes that ultimately keep children in their country of birth in loving care. I am praying for that answer. Not extreme, fast, changes that hurt in the short and long run a lot of people, especially the children we are trying to protect.

So, it has been a long week with the familiar ache and worry. I pray that God will fill that hole and prayers are super appreciated. Primarily big prayers for Ethiopian officials making these important decisions. And some small prayers for a Mom who is scared to stand up again.

P.S. That furry cutie in the picture is an addition that joined us in November. She was named after this journey - Addis :)

MELISSA

Christmas Eve

I have waited until now to post an update for December 1 since it was such a bummer. More to that in a moment, but first a few short thoughts.....I showed up at Tuesday boot camp this morning and no one was there yet, so I walked a block over to the beach and as I came over the boardwalk, I was greeted by the most beautiful scene. It was low tide and the sun was reflecting on the waves and on the packed white powdery sand, there were tons of tidepools and sandbars and only two other people in sight. As I walked down to the water, I saw many dark starfish that had washed up to the shore. As I threw some back in the water, I decided to run a couple of miles and then return to boot camp. As I ran (very slowly as usual, ha ha), I started to think about Him. Not the little boy we are going to adopt next year, but to Jesus. On this Christmas Eve morning, I stared out into the vast ocean, the same vast ocean that touches Africa, and realized that my life is so much bigger than my disappointment over the December update, bigger than my frustration over our wait, bigger than so many things. It has been so easy to let this adoption take over my mind and thoughts, it has even taken over as a distraction from the true meaning of Christmas, celebrating Him. I am so thankful for the 30 minutes this morning that took my mind to a different place, a place that I felt at peace. I pray that with the craziness that I expect 2014 to include, I will make time for many moments like this morning, moments where I show up at one place and end up at a place even more beautiful than expected. I will be celebrating Him tonight and will also be thinking of our little son or daughter and his or her's birthmom an ocean away and will pray that they are warm and healthy and know that they are loved.

A quick note about the December update. We were the same number, #23, this news definitely didn't cause dancing like last month, what a roller coaster! Didn't move a spot. Another lesson learned in patience, another lesson learned on how to not let my mind run away with fear. I am excited about 2014! I don't think our referral is too many months away, especially since #14 got a referral this week! Can't wait to share a January update. Merry Christmas Friends! MELISSA

Joyful Surprise

#23!!! Last night was such an awesome surprise. We were #32 last month and based on some referrals we heard about during the month, we thought (and were very happy about it!) that we were going to be #27. When we opened the monthly update and saw that we were #23, Avery and I literally started dancing around holding hands. Silly I know, but after so many years of waiting, news about delays and worry, our number brought so much happiness! I am feeling HOPEFUL and excited. Honestly, I am a little scared to feel that way. I have been fearful about being really hopeful about the adoption since I felt that way before and was let down in a really big way. Although I have come a long way in healing from that experience, I still can fall into the rut of being fearful that something is going to happen, and it has been especially hard as we grow closer to getting a referral. Through prayer and family, I am giving thanks for what I have and focusing on positive things. A dear friend of mine reminded me that what you focus on grows. I am focusing on this excitement and God's wonderful blessings!

Some friends have asked WHEN? That is a good question! There looks to be about 10 families in front of us with similar preferences, so it could be as soon as Christmas or January or February....There is no way to predict exactly when the children will have their paperwork ready. One thing I can predict is that our referral day when we can look at the sweet face of our child is going be a joyful surprise!

On one other exciting note, we have sponsored two adorable Ethiopian children, ages 6 and 8, through Children's HopeChest. We hope to meet them when we travel to Ethiopia. Our chapter for "7" in October was money. We were challenged to spend some of our money for Kingdom purposes. Supporting children such as these two is something close to our hearts and beliefs. I wish we lived in a world where children had clean drinking water, enough food to keep them healthy and families to love them and keep them safe. My heart yearns to help these children and this sponorship is just a very small piece of what we can do.

MELISSA

The Plan

Our October 1 number is #32. Not much movement, but I really do think that a lot of referrals will happen in October. I am feeling very positive about that, and constantly checking (ok stalking) the AAI Moms facebook page looking for news!

In the meantime...my silly husband gave my name to our church as someone who would like to contribute a devotional about a faith event in my life for a stewardship devotional that will be given out this month to all church members. Of course, a faith event so fresh in my mind is our adoption journey, so that is what I wrote about and I have included it here in our blog since it shows much honesty about what has been going on these past few years.

See you in November with a MUCH lower number! :)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11

I have become especially passionate about The Plan. A little over three years ago, it started off as a fairly easy plan. Loving family has two children and has room and a lot more love to give so wants to grow their family through adoption. Loving family chooses a country to adopt from and an agency to help guide them through The Plan. Complicated paperchase takes place but is finished at a record time. Loving family then sits back for an expected short 6-12 months and waits for The Call to come pick up their child so they return home to live happily ever after.

If you noticed the three years at the start of this and if you have seen us in church with our two children, you know right away that something has gone very wrong with The Plan. There have been many things in my adult life I have wanted very badly and I have worked very hard at getting those things with just a little reliance on God. I didn’t expect adoption to be any different. I have referred to the verse referenced here and struggle with it, sometimes even accusing God that he is not provided this hope and has not prospered The Plan.

But, something has gone very right with The Plan. This Child of God has now grown tenfold in reliance on God in all things, has learned that it’s not all about her and the future referenced in Jeremiah may not look like we think. There is now much hope in a different country and agency and much hope in the child(ren) meant for us. There is a birth mom that I wasn’t praying for and was not giving thanks for her sacrifice. I am learning to have peace and trust even when starting over, when unexpected things are happening and when the wait feels unbearable. I am learning to appreciate and fully love my family as it is right now even when it is not complete. I thank God that The Plan has not gone my way!

You may have a plan already laid out for stewardship. A plan of exactly how much to give and a plan of how you would like your giving to be used. I pray that we all rely heavily on God to provide our needs and be open to the possibility of a different plan for our giving, a plan that may have a much more beautiful future than originally expected.

MELISSA

#35 (technically #34!)

The fact that we moved ONE spot to #35 (as of this blog post we are really #34 since a family got a referral on September 1) is all that is needed to explain the cute faces in this picture! We are ready for a referral here at this house! Avery even hid a frown in the red of her 5 ha ha! Wishing for a referral feels a little strange since that means another another child is an orphan, but the fact is that there are children that have already been identified as needing homes and our agency is just waiting for paperwork etc. So, a referral would be awesome news because a child who already needs a family would be matched with us. We are prepared and ready with open arms :)