Scared to Stand Up

#20! Pretty cool! It was be a lot cooler if the past week hadn't been like riding a wave. I am going to use an analogy here from my husband's favorite sport. I have tried surfing only a couple of times, including the day we got engaged (that was in January in a full wet suit!). Each time I try, even this past summer, I mostly stay on my knees, scared to stand up. You see, if I stand up, I feel like I have lost control and the board is going to slip right out from under me, sending me face down in the water.

Our adoption has been just like this for me. When we first decided to adopt from Colombia, I was cautiously excited. There were some minor set backs and adjustments in waiting time, but as we got further into the process, I started to gain more confidence and felt comfortable letting go. Through 2 years of waiting for a referral, I rode that wave gaining faith and trust. When, due to in-country law changes, we had a huge wipe out and I was completely crushed. I still felt God had me in a better place than when we started, but everything was so hard and a wall was built around my heart.

Although that wall is still up, it has been exciting with Ethiopia and I have felt a peace about it. That is, until about a week ago...our first big challenge with Ethiopia. I don't want to further exacerbate potential rumors, so I will only say that there are discussions in Ethiopia about orphan care options and this can mean many things, some negative for all parties and some positive. Obviously negative changes would include stopping foreign adoption. I am 110% for any positive reforms that could be made in Ethiopia to keep families together. But, every child deserves a loving family now. Adoption, foreign or domestic, is an excellent loving option. Keeping orphans in orphanages or in long term care situations that are unhealthy is not an option. There are waiting families available right now to love and care for these children. I am aware that there is abuse in the adoption process and I am very supportive of changes that can mitigate this and for changes that ultimately keep children in their country of birth in loving care. I am praying for that answer. Not extreme, fast, changes that hurt in the short and long run a lot of people, especially the children we are trying to protect.

So, it has been a long week with the familiar ache and worry. I pray that God will fill that hole and prayers are super appreciated. Primarily big prayers for Ethiopian officials making these important decisions. And some small prayers for a Mom who is scared to stand up again.

P.S. That furry cutie in the picture is an addition that joined us in November. She was named after this journey - Addis :)

MELISSA