Christmas Eve

I have waited until now to post an update for December 1 since it was such a bummer. More to that in a moment, but first a few short thoughts.....I showed up at Tuesday boot camp this morning and no one was there yet, so I walked a block over to the beach and as I came over the boardwalk, I was greeted by the most beautiful scene. It was low tide and the sun was reflecting on the waves and on the packed white powdery sand, there were tons of tidepools and sandbars and only two other people in sight. As I walked down to the water, I saw many dark starfish that had washed up to the shore. As I threw some back in the water, I decided to run a couple of miles and then return to boot camp. As I ran (very slowly as usual, ha ha), I started to think about Him. Not the little boy we are going to adopt next year, but to Jesus. On this Christmas Eve morning, I stared out into the vast ocean, the same vast ocean that touches Africa, and realized that my life is so much bigger than my disappointment over the December update, bigger than my frustration over our wait, bigger than so many things. It has been so easy to let this adoption take over my mind and thoughts, it has even taken over as a distraction from the true meaning of Christmas, celebrating Him. I am so thankful for the 30 minutes this morning that took my mind to a different place, a place that I felt at peace. I pray that with the craziness that I expect 2014 to include, I will make time for many moments like this morning, moments where I show up at one place and end up at a place even more beautiful than expected. I will be celebrating Him tonight and will also be thinking of our little son or daughter and his or her's birthmom an ocean away and will pray that they are warm and healthy and know that they are loved.

A quick note about the December update. We were the same number, #23, this news definitely didn't cause dancing like last month, what a roller coaster! Didn't move a spot. Another lesson learned in patience, another lesson learned on how to not let my mind run away with fear. I am excited about 2014! I don't think our referral is too many months away, especially since #14 got a referral this week! Can't wait to share a January update. Merry Christmas Friends! MELISSA

Joyful Surprise

#23!!! Last night was such an awesome surprise. We were #32 last month and based on some referrals we heard about during the month, we thought (and were very happy about it!) that we were going to be #27. When we opened the monthly update and saw that we were #23, Avery and I literally started dancing around holding hands. Silly I know, but after so many years of waiting, news about delays and worry, our number brought so much happiness! I am feeling HOPEFUL and excited. Honestly, I am a little scared to feel that way. I have been fearful about being really hopeful about the adoption since I felt that way before and was let down in a really big way. Although I have come a long way in healing from that experience, I still can fall into the rut of being fearful that something is going to happen, and it has been especially hard as we grow closer to getting a referral. Through prayer and family, I am giving thanks for what I have and focusing on positive things. A dear friend of mine reminded me that what you focus on grows. I am focusing on this excitement and God's wonderful blessings!

Some friends have asked WHEN? That is a good question! There looks to be about 10 families in front of us with similar preferences, so it could be as soon as Christmas or January or February....There is no way to predict exactly when the children will have their paperwork ready. One thing I can predict is that our referral day when we can look at the sweet face of our child is going be a joyful surprise!

On one other exciting note, we have sponsored two adorable Ethiopian children, ages 6 and 8, through Children's HopeChest. We hope to meet them when we travel to Ethiopia. Our chapter for "7" in October was money. We were challenged to spend some of our money for Kingdom purposes. Supporting children such as these two is something close to our hearts and beliefs. I wish we lived in a world where children had clean drinking water, enough food to keep them healthy and families to love them and keep them safe. My heart yearns to help these children and this sponorship is just a very small piece of what we can do.

MELISSA

The Plan

Our October 1 number is #32. Not much movement, but I really do think that a lot of referrals will happen in October. I am feeling very positive about that, and constantly checking (ok stalking) the AAI Moms facebook page looking for news!

In the meantime...my silly husband gave my name to our church as someone who would like to contribute a devotional about a faith event in my life for a stewardship devotional that will be given out this month to all church members. Of course, a faith event so fresh in my mind is our adoption journey, so that is what I wrote about and I have included it here in our blog since it shows much honesty about what has been going on these past few years.

See you in November with a MUCH lower number! :)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11

I have become especially passionate about The Plan. A little over three years ago, it started off as a fairly easy plan. Loving family has two children and has room and a lot more love to give so wants to grow their family through adoption. Loving family chooses a country to adopt from and an agency to help guide them through The Plan. Complicated paperchase takes place but is finished at a record time. Loving family then sits back for an expected short 6-12 months and waits for The Call to come pick up their child so they return home to live happily ever after.

If you noticed the three years at the start of this and if you have seen us in church with our two children, you know right away that something has gone very wrong with The Plan. There have been many things in my adult life I have wanted very badly and I have worked very hard at getting those things with just a little reliance on God. I didn’t expect adoption to be any different. I have referred to the verse referenced here and struggle with it, sometimes even accusing God that he is not provided this hope and has not prospered The Plan.

But, something has gone very right with The Plan. This Child of God has now grown tenfold in reliance on God in all things, has learned that it’s not all about her and the future referenced in Jeremiah may not look like we think. There is now much hope in a different country and agency and much hope in the child(ren) meant for us. There is a birth mom that I wasn’t praying for and was not giving thanks for her sacrifice. I am learning to have peace and trust even when starting over, when unexpected things are happening and when the wait feels unbearable. I am learning to appreciate and fully love my family as it is right now even when it is not complete. I thank God that The Plan has not gone my way!

You may have a plan already laid out for stewardship. A plan of exactly how much to give and a plan of how you would like your giving to be used. I pray that we all rely heavily on God to provide our needs and be open to the possibility of a different plan for our giving, a plan that may have a much more beautiful future than originally expected.

MELISSA

#35 (technically #34!)

The fact that we moved ONE spot to #35 (as of this blog post we are really #34 since a family got a referral on September 1) is all that is needed to explain the cute faces in this picture! We are ready for a referral here at this house! Avery even hid a frown in the red of her 5 ha ha! Wishing for a referral feels a little strange since that means another another child is an orphan, but the fact is that there are children that have already been identified as needing homes and our agency is just waiting for paperwork etc. So, a referral would be awesome news because a child who already needs a family would be matched with us. We are prepared and ready with open arms :)

What to do while waiting?

There was no hope in taking a great picture of our new number 36....the kids and dog were feeling quite silly! And I was laughing along with them but am feeling quite blah about our number honestly. THREE years ago this month we started the process to adopt from Colombia, THREE years ago next month we had our first homestudy...I am not going to make this post all about how I am frustrated with waiting and especially not all about the what ifs, like what if we had chosen to start our journey in Ethiopia this month three years ago.

Since I believe that God has his design and wish for our lives in every single choice we make, I believe that we made the right choice then and now. Unfortunately, this does not keep me from feeling blah from time to time. Keeping my mind occupied definitely helps and among the wonderful summer our family has been having, we are in a small group that has been studying Jen Hatmaker's book 7. In a very short summary, it is a study where you take 7 excesses in your life (food, clothes, possessions, media, stress, waste, spending) for 30 days each and change something about your everyday (extravagant) lives to make you reflect and think about how you are living your life. Could you change something or many things about about your life to glorify and become closer to God? Could you change your life to be less wasteful and greedy? Sign me up! We are on our 2nd 30 day period, clothing. The first 30 day period we did an experiment with food. We (myself and my husband only, children off the hook) chose to reduce our food consumption to 3 meals only, no snacks, dessert or any type of food or alcohol in between those 3 meals. When we felt like the task was difficult, we were to pray. I chose to pray for the birth mother of our future child. The 30 days turned out much more difficult than expected and I found myself not only praying for the birth mother but really thinking about her...her diet, the availability of healthy food for her, her feelings and life.... I have thought about her during this adoption process, but my focus has been on our child and I realized my focus has been extremely self centered. There is more to this journey than the end result of having a new child to love. There is a courageous birth mother, a country, opportunities to witness and love and so much more. I have so much growing to do and that is one way I will be spending my time while waiting for our number to go down.

MELISSA

Missing Your Footprint

#38! So happy to be moving but still hard to be waiting! We took a fabulous trip this past month to the islands and took this picture:

This picture came out so cute and some folks said we should get it framed, etc., but I know this set of prints in not final and there was a little part of me the entire trip that was completely aware someone is missing in our family. This didn't stop me from having an awesome time and enjoying the children and blessings we had, but that ache is always there. I am afraid it might get stronger the lower our number gets! Here's to hoping many referrals happen in July! :)

MELISSA

A New Month = Renewed Hope

And our new number is....#41!  OK, so I was hoping for #1, but will take it! :)  Our agency had 4 referrals to 2 families in May. Two 10 year old girls (love this!) and a three and five year old boy were referred to their forever families. We really love how transparent our agency is and that they communicate so well. The open communication makes this dreadful wait a little easier.

2 spots is good news...just when all of the excitement from the paper chase was wearing off, a little anticipation for the monthly update brings hope....

MELISSA

The Significance of a Number

#43! We are officially past the paperwork stage and are now officially waiting. This is such a great feeling! Before Friday, our agency had 42 families in the waiting stage and we joined on as #43. This number will decrease as families receive their referrals and we will get an official new number each month. Each family waiting has a stated preference on the gender and age of child(ren) that best fits their family so we will not necessarily wait for 42 referrals to pass before it is our day.

We are encouraged at this next step in our journey and are so thankful for family and friends for their support and faith. My husband deserves his own special HUGE thank you for putting up with me during this paperwork phase. There was a lot of whining going on in this house and all of it was coming from me! He has been so loving and optimistic and I am forever grateful. God sure knew what he was doing when he put me with this man!

To celebrate, we are going to try, for the first time, a nearby Ethiopian restaurant this upcoming weekend. We have heard great things about the Ethiopian cuisine. It might take some time for the kids to get used to it, so I might try to sneak in a PB&J in my purse just in case! We are looking forward to exploring and learning about the Ethiopian culture in the coming months. Of course, next month, we will post our new number handwritten by the kiddos and proudly displaying the colors of the Ethiopian flag.

MELISSA

Committed......to Adoption

I have thought many times about how to write this post. Can I google for a blog post template for adopting families that have switched countries? It even crossed my mind to start a completely new blog as not to be confusing. In the end, we keep up this blog to be able to share with our friends and family our entire adoption journey, including the really awesome and encouraging times and the hard discouraging times.

So, first, the most wonderful news: we are adopting from Ethiopia!! Our hearts are full and a new excitement has taken over that makes our adoption journey alive. We have chosen a new agency and absolutely love them! From the bottom of my soul, I feel that Ethiopia was where we were supposed to adopt from all along and those years that it has taken for us to get here were just where God wanted us (especially me!) to be. We were being chiseled into the parents and people God needed us to be (of course he is still working on that, I doubt it will ever end!). I feel so at peace it is unbelievable. I have often wondered how I would know if I am going in a direction that God wants. I think one answer to this is peace. A peace that is so strong it overrides the deep fear inside of experiencing the same pain. A peace that allows dreams to be formed again! We are submitting our dossier (note timeline) requesting 1 child or 2 siblings, either gender, aged 3 or under. I don't know the exact wait time....I am not even going to go there! I believe we will have our child or children home in 2014 and we will leave it at that. My arms are aching badly to hold our next child, but I have grown a lot in the past few years and I am bravely waiting.

The much harder news is that we are no longer adopting from Colombia right now. After almost three years of waiting and dreaming it was time to make a change. There have been many tears and questions, such as, is it giving up to move in another direction and how do you know when it is time to walk away from something? We felt continuing to wait in Colombia would be futile persistence....us and the child we wanted to adopt were lost and stuck in the system. Months and months were passing with discouraging news and well, my spirit was getting very weary. We are leaving Colombia now with grace and courage. Though some things in-country have changed since we started the process and I don't know that anyone knows the final direction that will be taken, we still have deep respect for those in Colombia trying to make decisions that would best benefit their process and provide the best homes for orphans. We are leaving Colombia now still thinking about those little faces we saw over and over again on the facebook page of our orphanage and praying for those babies and children living in our orphanage, they are truly the ones who are hurting much worse than we are. They have already experienced an enormous loss and are missing out on the hugs and kisses and love from their forever families. I pray that solutions are found soon for them.

I am ending this post with the fact we are not walking away from our dream of adoption, just our dream of growing our family through adoption from Colombia. Through all of the tears and discussion, it was never a question of should we just stop trying to adopt all together, it was a very easy question of where? The answer took about 1 second because it had always been in our hearts:  Ethiopia....Back in 2010, when we mailed in our paperwork for Colombia, we questioned our decision because it was a hard one, Ethiopia kept coming up in our thoughts and words. Through the past 3 years, we talked many times about proceeding with another adoption after Colombia...from Ethiopia! We even "warned" our home study provider that we would need her again to provide us a home study for Ethiopia. It has been a flame burning that has never left our hearts. We are excited to continue along in our journey to Africa.

MELISSA

Relentless Pursuit

Want to experience anticipation, frustration, excitement, sadness, happiness, despair, joy? Try adoption! Some of these feelings we all experience in any ordinary day, but since we have started the adoption process, these emotional ups and downs have tripled! This week has held quite a bit of sadness but we are ending it with a lot of excitement.

We think some changes are on the way in our adoption journey and I have to remember that any deviation from my expectation is not a failure, but just a bump on the path leading us to our child MEANT FOR US.

God is in relentless pursuit of his wishes for us and we are determined to follow. Updates to come later :)

MELISSA